The Trouble With Love(CLOSED/Damen)

[Valerie Lynn Monroe]

why does he have to be so gorgeous?

[/size][/b][/color]
i'm taking pictures in my mind to save them for a rainy day[/font][/i]

its hard to make conversation when he is taking my breath away.[/font][/i]
he already knows that he's in my mind.[/size][/b][/color]
[/center]

I trudged lazily and slowly towards through the dorm halls, searching for my room. The room I'd be stuck in for the rest of my time at this school, pretty much. And I was praying that I wasn't sharing it with a boy. I would never sleep if I was, which would be a bad thing for everyone because I got grumpy when I was tired. Even my animals didn't mess with me when I was tired. I looked down at Sephora, and knew she would rather be off with Shanook. "Go, I'll be fine," I said with a smile, and she nodded and took off the other way down the hall. I shook my head and smiled, then found my room and went in. I didn't pay much mind to the side of the room that was taken, and instead just took the empty side beside the fireplace. It seemed I'd gotten lucky, because fire calmed me, and I was close to it. That'd be good for all the sleepless nights I knew I'd be having. I'd probably end up sitting there and watching it half the night, mesmerized by the flames and letting my mind wander back to happy times.

I threw my bag on the bed, and never bothered to look over to see whether or not I was rooming with a boy or not. My mind was just racing too much. I had wandered around the school before I came here, and pretty much got lost. Eventually I did find my way around, and then went to the library for a while. I had to admit, it was a nice school. Lots of places I could be alone, lots of crowded places, and lots of places I knew never to go into with a boy. I had found my classes, so I wouldn't be so lost. Then I sat outside and ate some dinner before coming back here to look for my room with my bags. All the while thinking about Damen, the handsome boy with those beautiful chocolate eyes and a smile that could melt any girl's heart. It was a good thing I was pretty damn heartless. Or so I thought.

My mind wandered to Damen again. He was a sweet guy, from what I'd seen. And he seemed to like me, which could be a good and bad thing. And what had happened earlier, that pretty much said that he had some sort of feelimgs for me. Subconciously my hand raised to touch my cheek, still feeling the warmth where his hand had grazed my cheek, and I smiled and sighed. But I shook my head and went back to unpacking things, cursing for even thinking those things. I wouldn't get close to him, no matter what. I liked him, but I couldn't trust him. I couldn't trust anyone. Not after I'd been hurt so badly, not after being destroyed by Trevor whenever he was drunk or angry, or just wanted a quick fuck. Or a long one, depending on his mood. Now I was closed off to men, they were all the same. Besides my dad, but he was gone, and I was alone in the world. However, Damen had already been getting me to trust him, which was strange and confusing to me. He just had a way about him that made me want to get closer to him, and that scared me. I hoped that I'd be able to stop myself from letting that happen.

I unpacked the rest of my stuff and shoved my bags under my bed, leaving my laptop on my bed. I set down a pet bed on one side of the fireplace, then set out the cage for Demi, setting her down on her sock bed and smiling. She was completely out, as per usual. I closed the cage quietly and then opened a smaller bag. It held things I'd put in the nightstand, makeup, a candle, flashlight, those kinds of things. But first I loaded in a bunch of books on the bottom of the nightstand, then put the other things in the deep drawer. Then I pulled out the scrapbook of my dad. If I had a nightmare, I'd pull it out and look at it, always skipping the last page. It got rid of the horrors and replaced them with the happy memories, but the last page held newspaper clippings and the obituary, funeral and wake cards and such. I hardly ever went back to that page, not when I was upset. I slipped it under the nightstand with the rest of the books, then went back to putting other things on my nightstand.

The last thing I put on it was a picture of my dad and I. I smiled as I remembered that day. I had been eleven, it was late October, just before my twelfth birthday. I was in a little black peacoat, black leggings and boots, and a matching newsboy cap, blonde curls hanging over my shoulders. A bright, happy grin was on my face as I was standing beside my father, hugging him as he had his arms around me. We had been out exploring the forest, and it was the only time I could remember mom coming with us. It was one of the best days of my life, all of us being happy together. We had so much fun that day. I remembered his eyes, and his hair, and the smell of him mixed with the scent of the cold, crisp air autumn air. I smiled as I touched the picture lightly, and could almost swear I felt his arms around me.

"I miss you, daddy," I whispered quietly, letting a single tear run down my face before I wiped it quickly away and snapped out of the dream. Those days were over, and mom didn't give a shit anymore. She didn't give a shit about anything. I still loved her, but I was done dealing with her. It wasn't like she paid much attention anyway. That's how I'd ended up here, I ran away and caught a bus. I was sick and tired of taking Trevor, my step-father's, abuse and my mother's neglect. Sure, living in a fancy house with nice things was great, but the price it came at was just too awful for me to even consider it being worth it. But I needed to get my mind off this, so I decided to go change and then I'd come back and watch Blues Brothers or something good to get my mind off everything I'd been thinking about. I was a movie addict, so that wouldn't be hard to do. I grabbed my pyjama short-shorts and tank top, the only pyjamas I had thought to bring besides winter ones. Then I put in my recharged iPod's headphones and blasted music, and headed for the door, not paying much attention to my surroundings. And that was a mistake, because normally when I was totally zoned out I didn't notice when something, or someone, was in my way. So, chances were, I was going to run into something, and it was not going to be fun.

[Damen Andrew Rowan]

Damen Andrew Rowan

[/size]

Hot water rushed over my shoulders, sliding through the muscles and causing me to lean my head back with the delight as it loosened all tense muscles. I sighed in pure delight, dropping my head forward while my hands stayed braced on the wall. My spine arched and a low hum of joy sparked through me. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the guys thought I was jacking off. Whatever. I just liked showers. They were relaxing and enjoyable. Was that something I should be ashamed of? I thought not, but others could think totally different from the way I did. I shut the water after a moment and groaned in regred. Sure it was nice and roasty toasty in here, but still. I grabbed my towl and wrapped it firmly around my waist before stepping out fo the warm confinds of my shower.

Some people turned to stare at me for the barest moment, before they looked away from the glare I shot at them. Let them think how they liked, but I would always be better than them. I didn't snicker behind other's backs. No. I was a straight to your face kind of guy. I stalked out of the shower room, through the bathroom and out into the empty hallway. My dark eyes shifted this way and that before I walked with a casual pace toward my room. So far a roommate had not been found for me, but I would live for the time being until one came along. They would learn my pets came first and that I wasn't always so friendly. That was when and if they came around. I moved quickly, starting to feel the chill of the evening on my skin.

I shoved the door open, closing it swiftly behind me just before I ran smack into another person. I fell backward pulling the being down with me. I didn't mean to take the person down with me, but they had been right in my way and now, I blinked up at the person on top of me and nearly choked. "What are you doing in here?!" I demanded, trying not to allow the embaressment to show on my face. Though I knew for a fact that my towl would fall off if she so much as shifted. That would just kill me. I'd only ever been seen naked by one person and it was pitch black when that happened.

[Valerie Lynn Monroe]

why does he have to be so gorgeous?

[/size][/b][/color]
i'm taking pictures in my mind to save them for a rainy day[/font][/i]

its hard to make conversation when he is taking my breath away.[/font][/i]
he already knows that he's in my mind.[/size][/b][/color]
[/center]

When I was pulled down onto the boy I gasped, then realized it was Damen. I was petrified, noticing he was only in a towel and I was now on top of him. "Y-You're my roommate?!" I asked back, still stunned. Then my face went completely red as I got off him, making sure his towel stayed in place before rushing around him and heading out the door. I went into the bathroom and into a shower stall, taking a deep breath and leaning against the wall, calming myself down before changing. What the fuck was that? Damen was my roommate? Oh no, that would not be good. Not good at all. I sighed heavily before going out of the stall, walking to the mirror and using the elastic I had around my wrist to tie my hair back. I could hear the gasps coming from some other girls at my back, but I just rolled my eyes and left them there.

I didn't care if anyone saw my back, normally I kept it hidden but it didn't really matter. I had an excuse, a lie that covered every mark on me. Plus, my shirt, though cut fairly low in the back, hid most of it. And my hair his some as well, so I was sparing them the awful sight. I went downstairs and went to the kitchen, grabbing a bag of popcorn and popping it. Once it was done I walked back upstairs slowly, stopping at our room. Our room, what a horrid thought. I had to stop myself from shivering in fright to knock on the door. "C-can I come in?" I asked, my voice a bit shaky still. Damnit. I took a deep breath and shook the popcorn gently, leaning against the wall beside the door, waiting to be let in.

[Damen Andrew Rowan]

Damen Andrew Rowan

[/size]

I sat on my bed after pulling on sweat pants. That was all I'd managed to get on before collapsing on my bed. I shut my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, cooling my embaressment and the headache that had managed to invade my mind. I hated it when stupid stuff happens. I layed back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. There was nothing exciting about it, but it helped that I had something to look at that was plain and boring since my life was nothing like that. I laid like that for many moments until I heard her voice, asking for permission to enter. I rolled my eyes. This wasn't just my room anymore. I was sharing it. . . with a girl. I groaned quietly before answering her, "Yeah. I promise I have clothes on this time."

I rolled, pulling my comforter around me, shoving my head under the blanket as well, just so I wouldn't have to look at her for fear my embaressment would return to color my face a darker shade than it already was. I didn't need to humiliate myself further than I already had. That just wasn't like me. I wasn't one to make a fool of myself twice in one day. I'd wrapped myself up so tightly that only my eyes were showing. I looked out at the door, keeping my eyes on the bottom space before the floor. I wasn't going to meet her face. I would just look at her shoes or roll over and look away from her all together.

[Valerie Lynn Monroe]

why does he have to be so gorgeous?

[/size][/b][/color]
i'm taking pictures in my mind to save them for a rainy day[/font][/i]

its hard to make conversation when he is taking my breath away.[/font][/i]
he already knows that he's in my mind.[/size][/b][/color]
[/center]

I opened the door to see him completely wrapped in covers, and I just paid no mind to him. I walked over and sat on the end of his bed, looking at him. "I'm sorry, Damen. I'll go ask to switch rooms tomorrow," I said, then stood up again and walked over to my bed. I went over and sat on my bed, turning on my laptop. I got up again, then looked in one of the drawers in my closet, which was filled with movies. I shuffled through them, pulling out the Fast & The Furious and then shut the drawr, the entire time making sure not to look back over at Damen. It was an akward silence, one I was uncomfortable with. I wanted nothing more than to have him speak to me, for some strange reason. Why did I care so much? It wasn't like me, normally silence was a good thing to me, no matter how akward. But right now, I wanted to hear his voice, or a simple aknowledgement.

I moved back over to the bed, then began fixing the covers. I had my back to him, so he'd most likely see the scars. I sighed lightly before looking up at the picture again, which called me to be lost in thought for another moment before I fixed the bed, then walked over to where it was and laid it face-down on the table. I stood there for a moment, sorting through my thoughts before walking to where my bag was, rummaging through it for the candy and pop I had bought earlier. I was stressed, not thinking straight. And mostly petrified. Anyone could see I was tense and nervous, being in the same room as him for the entire night, not to mention every night of the school year. I was getting flashbacks, horrible scenes of past beatings from Trevor. I placed my hand on my forehead, getting a headache and causing me to just stand there for a moment, sorting through my thoughts. I moved and sat down on the bed, setting my drink on the side table and just sitting on the side of the bed, trying to get rid of the thoughts that just didn't want to go away.

[Damen Andrew Rowan]

Damen Andrew Rowan

[/size]

My eyes were drawn to her back and my head tilted to the side while I uncoiled myself. My body rose from the bed wondering toward her. My hand moved over her exposed back. "How'd you get these?" My voice was soft, conserned in ways I shouldn't have been. I had a feeling she wasn't going to like the touch of my hand. I thought of something she might like even less, but I wouldn't do that. No. I would use a stand in. I looked at my now returned Shanook and picked her up swiftly before Val could turn to look at me and pressed the lynx's wet nose to her back. Shanook's nose was big enough to mimik lips, well wet lips anyways. I placed the she-cat back on the ground as she gazed up at me with confused topaz eyes.

I was ready for anything at this moment. Running away, a good beating. Anything. I could take it. I was sure as hell a brave little toaster. I wouldn't let a girl scare me in the least. I had my hands open and the palm facing her. I was ready to bring them up to guard my face any second. My eyes were narrowed at her back, waiting. Being prepared until I looked down at the paw that brushed my pant leg. Shanook glared up at me. She was mad at me for using her. My guard was down. I was not prepared.

[Valerie Lynn Monroe]

why does he have to be so gorgeous?

[/size][/b][/color]
i'm taking pictures in my mind to save them for a rainy day[/font][/i]

its hard to make conversation when he is taking my breath away.[/font][/i]
he already knows that he's in my mind.[/size][/b][/color]
[/center]

At his touch I shot up from my spot, moving across the room as quickly as possible. "Don't ever fucking touch me again," I snapped at him. I could feel where his hand had brushed across me, and I knew it was Shanook who had left the wet spot on my back. I looked back at him, my glare softening into a stern gaze. "Motorcycle accident I had just before I came here. Went around a corner, didn't see a car, swerved off the road and into a ditch with some rather nasty barbed wire. Some older scars from when I fell onto some broken glass, but that was a long time ago," I explained convincingly. Of course, it was all a lie, but there was no evidence to prove otherwise. They were all knife marks, from Trevor, but I was obviously not going to say that. I didn't trust him enough to know my secrets from the past, nor the ones from the present.

As if something was pulling me back, I moved slowly back to where I'd been sitting before. I looked at him with sad eyes. "I'm sorry about rushing out of the cafeteria earlier. Just, what you did... sort of stunned me. I didn't mean to be so rude, it was just what my mind was telling me to do. Which was to get out," I explained, then smiled at him. "Do you want some popcorn? Or a gummieworm? By the way, if I'm ever mad at you, a little tip. Bring me a bag of sugared gummieworms and I'll forgive you for almost anything. Almost." I smirked at him before reaching over to grab the bag with the gummieworms and opening it, popping one into my mouth. "Do you want to watch this movie with me?" I asked absent-mindedly, sort of forgetting for a moment about who I was with. Why was I being so nonchalant? I was confusing myself again, I didn't know why. Maybe I just wanted us to be friends, I was rooming with him and I would have to pretend to be okay with it for the time being. Plus I wanted to hide the fact I was petrified.

[Damen Andrew Rowan]

Damen Andrew Rowan

[/size]

I nearly jumped out of my skin when she shot away, pretty much snarling at me. I gulped down my pure fear, trying not to let it show in my eyes at this moment. I ran a hand threw my hair, trying to shove it away from my face and trying to settle my flying nerves. This was insane. Maybe she was too, having a spaz attack out of the blue. How often was she going to freak out on me? Her words came out like a slap in the face and I flinched, looking down like a child that had just been given a spanking. I didn't like this feeling and it was making me mad. Really mad, but I wasn't going to explode on her now. It wouldn't be fair to her seeing as we both knew nothing about each other. Though she seemed more unwilling than I to share anything about herself. That was another thing that irritated me. She was a mystery. Something out of my reach and it wasn't fair to me seeing as I was willing to spill my soul out to her with out a thought.

With a suddenness that surprised me, she explained her back and I bought it. If slightly. There was something off about what she was telling me. Something that made me want to raise and eyebrow and question her about this feeling, but I cringed from the thought. I didn't want to make her anymore distrusting of me. I kept my mouth shut as she rattled on to a different subject. I let her with little hope of returning to her "accident". She offered me a gummy worm and I shook my head, not sure if I could trust my words just yet. Not sure if I would ever be able to trust them again. I chuckled lightly at her comment on how I could almost get away with anything if I gave her gummy worms and nearly jumped with shock when she asked if I would watch this movie with her. I smiled lightly, "Sure. Why not. I haven't seen this one in awhile." I sat on the very edge of her bed, hoping that that wasn't a problem. The floor wasn't exactly my best friend.

[Valerie Lynn Monroe]

why does he have to be so gorgeous?

[/size][/b][/color]
i'm taking pictures in my mind to save them for a rainy day[/font][/i]

its hard to make conversation when he is taking my breath away.[/font][/i]
he already knows that he's in my mind.[/size][/b][/color]
[/center]

I smiled shyly when he said he wanted to watch the movie and nodded gently. "Okay, umm, well I'll just go put this in the DVD then. It'd be pretty hard to watch on the laptop together," I said, taking it out of the case and standing up, taking the movie over to the TV and placing it into the DVD player. If we had watched it on the laptop, we would've had to sit close, and that wouldn't have been a good thing. I moved back over and propped up my pillows, sitting back down with my legs up on my bed and my knees bent. "You can sit up here, if you want. There's plenty of room. You don't look too comfortable right now," I said, brushing a stray hair out of my face again. I didn't know why, but I wanted him close again. But at the same time, I wanted him far away. What the fuck was up with this confusion? Whatever it was, it was giving me a headache.

I felt bad for being so snappy before, and decided to say something about it. "I'm sorry, about being so snappy. I just have had a bad experience with guys before, so I'm not so fond of rooming with one. And the fact I've got a killer headache is not helping. I'll be okay, though," I explained with a soft, sad smile. It was true, I did have a killer headache. But it was because of flashbacks, and so much going on at the moment in my head I was afraid my brain was going to implode. I moved the laptop off the bed and onto the floor, noticing Seph had snuck in and moved to lay on her bed. I smiled at her before grabbing the remote and looking back at Damen curiously, wondering what he was going to do. I couldn't help but watch him. He was just so handsome, and seemed to care about me. But I couldn't let that get to my head again, so I looked away from him to the bag of popcorn and opened it, eating a few pieces and then hitting play. "So, are you sitting here or not?" I asked with a curious smile, "You might want to hurry up and decide because the movie's starting."

[Damen Andrew Rowan]

Damen Andrew Rowan

[/size]

A smile touched my lips and I moved back to sit next to her, though I kept some distance between us. It felt akward and weird and I wasn't sure if I should say anything, so I didn't. I kept my wit about me and settled in, placing my hand behind my head in a casual manner. Shanook took the liberty of jumping up on the foot of Val's bed, curling into a ball before drifting off. She didn't care where she slept. My mouth opened slowly and I spoke, "You know, this could become a normal thing. Movies before bed." I laughed softly at the thought before looking at her side long. I returned my attention to the T.V screen bare moments after I had looked at her.

"Thank you." I smiled, "for letting me move up here. I probably would have died down there in the end." I chuckled softly, ruffling my hair, putting it into wild disarray. "You know, you don't have to apologize for being snappy. Everyone gets that way once in awhile." I told her with a soft sigh before leaning my head back and closing my eyes for a single moment, then opening them again to focus on the movie.

[Valerie Lynn Monroe]

why does he have to be so gorgeous?

[/size][/b][/color]
i'm taking pictures in my mind to save them for a rainy day[/font][/i]

its hard to make conversation when he is taking my breath away.[/font][/i]
he already knows that he's in my mind.[/size][/b][/color]
[/center]

The akward distance between us as he sat there was calling me to move closer, begging for me to cuddle up beside him and feel comfortable. But I wasn't going to do that, no. That'd get me liking him even more than I already did. But of course, as if on cue, Sephora decided to jump on the bed and growl at me until I moved closer to Damen, her taking the seat where I was before and curling into a ball. She sure as hell was determined, I gave her that much. I looked over at Damen and a light blush crossed my cheeks. "Yeah, maybe, but not every night. I think we'd run out of movies," I joked, "And Sephora is very, very picky. If she wants to sit somewhere you better goddamned move out of her way or she'll get really pissy." She looked up and snuffed at me in a sassy manner, laying her head back down.

At his comment about him dying I smiled. "Well we wouldn't want that, now would we?" I teased, "And with me, I'm normally a bitch. I have a horrible temper, so don't be surprised if I get snappy at you again." I was telling the truth, I had an awful temper. I would snap at him for trying something, most likely. I was starting to like him, a lot, and it was scaring me more and more. I watched the movie, glancing over at him only once because of temptation before leaning over Sephora and grabbing a gummieworm from the bag, popping it into my mouth before moving back to my seat and watching the movie again.

[Damen Andrew Rowan]

Damen Andrew Rowan

[/size]

I glanced over at her as she moved toward me. "I can see that." I chuckled softly, just before claws dug into my side. "Ouch! Bitch, shit. . . " I trailed off, looking at Shanook like I wished I could light her on fire at this very moment. Her tiny bob of a tail twitched this way and that, causing me to shift until I was touching Val's side. "Sorry. I just got clawed for not getting out of her way fast enough." I looked pointedly at the lynx that layed down at my side. "Guess she got the same idea as Sephora." That's what I thought anyways. There was no way I had told her to do this, because I already knew how she felt about being touched by others and her feelings about men in general.

I shrugged. "Some people might, but that's some. Not many people would. Wanting me dead would be a sad thing. One less klutz in the world." I chuckled softly before allowing my mind to wonder to the images flashing acrossed the T.V. It was interesting, seeing as I was a rare guy who knew about as much as a toddler about cars. They were my most favorite thing in the world. I had better things to hold my attention than a car. Though I had a love for motercycles. They were something I could tell you every detail about. That was my nature. My way of thinking more so than anything else. Absent mindedly I reached out and ran my fingers through the semi-long hair of my she-cat. She purred softly, enjoying the slow stroking of my nibble fingers.

[Valerie Lynn Monroe]

why does he have to be so gorgeous?

[/size][/b][/color]
i'm taking pictures in my mind to save them for a rainy day[/font][/i]

its hard to make conversation when he is taking my breath away.[/font][/i]
he already knows that he's in my mind.[/size][/b][/color]
[/center]

I felt Damen's side touch mine and resisted the urge to flinch, keeping my cool. But Sephora was persistant, stretching and causing me to end up pretty much leaning on Damen. I'd kill her later, strangle her with vines or something, or cause a storm and strike her with lightning. Or just fly her around until she begged for mercy. I looked over at Damen and blushed, though hating to be so close. "I think both of them need to be shoved off the bed," I teased, though pretty serious as Sephora was kicking me to get even closer. I grumbled angrily at her before returning my gaze to the movie, though it really didn't hold my attention. I was more cautious at the moment, being so close to Damen had me on edge.

That's when Sephora took things to the next level. I moved to reach for the popcorn and she got up and pushed me so that I was pretty much on top of Damen, my face way too close to his. The fact that I was enjoying being so close caused me to linger there for a second before regaining my thoughs. I was getting too close, not being able to think straight was showing me that. I had wanted to kiss him. I jumped up and got off the bed. "Sephora!" I snapped at her, causing her to cower and go back to her bed. I looked back at Damen, the cautiousness clearly showing. "Maybe we should watch the rest of this another night. We both should get to sleep, we have school tomorrow," I said, still trying to gather my thoughts, "I'm sorry." I moved the popcorn off the bed, keeping my eyes on him. I looked over and glared at Sephora, who was giving me the same evil glare back.

Why was she so persistant? She seemed to have a way of telling that this boy was winning me over quickly, and she just wanted to speed up the process. It'd have to be clear after that pause to him that I liked him, but I didn't want to. If I wanted to like him, I would've kissed him. But just too much was going on right now, my head felt like it was going to explode from all the thoughts and memories rushing through my mind every second. Adding liking Damen into the mix, and my head was dangerously close to exploding. "So, uhm, what time do we have to get up?" I asked him, brushing a piece of hair out of my face again, only this time out of a nervous habit.

[Damen Andrew Rowan]

Damen Andrew Rowan

[/size]

I'd never felt so akward in my life. I mean, color coated my face down to my neck. I took a deep calm breath as she scrambled away from me. I was swift enough to get off the bed and onto my feet. I stared down at the ground for a moment, keeping me eyes locked on it. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to look at her after that. I wasn't always this unsure of myself, but somehow she managed to make me feel like a total fool, lost in all my ways. My head swung sorrowfully from side to side, causing my hair tp shadow dark eyes. Shanook jumped from the bed, looking up at me with furious eyes. 'You should fight and not let her push you away like she is.' Shanook snarled at me, jumping up onto my bed and curling into a ball on the pillow next to mine. It was like she was trying to act like a house cat when really she wasn't. She was far to big for that.

A soft, nearly soundless sigh passed through my lips, as I walked to the edge of my bed, picking up the blanket and holding one edge while I tossed it in the air, sending air under it and causing it to lay flat upon the bed. Though the blanket was some what rumpled you could tell now the color and look of it now. The comforter was a pale checkered blue, with darker blues and black mixed in. Some gray here and there. Everything else was a pale gray-blue. Nothing really exciting there. I flipped back part of the blanket before crawling into bed and pulling it over my head. A shoulder shrugged moving the blanket up then down in a rather sluggish motion. "I'll wake up whenever. Just set an alarm for six or seven. No matter what I'm not a morning person." A pout just happened to have formed on my lips. I wasn't sure what else there was for me to say, so I just layed there. Silent.

My eyes traveled over the wall I was staring at. Hoping all the answers might just be hiding there for me. Why was I so affected by her? Why did she make me feel strong and wanted one moment, then rejected and unneeded the next. It was heart breaking in a way that I didn't fully understand, for some reason it made me both sad and angry at the same moment. I surpressed all the unwanted emotions that I didn't want her to see in my eyes. At least I tried to and I prayed she wouldn't come over her to try and see my expression.

[Valerie Lynn Monroe]

why does he have to be so gorgeous?

[/size][/b][/color]
i'm taking pictures in my mind to save them for a rainy day[/font][/i]

its hard to make conversation when he is taking my breath away.[/font][/i]
he already knows that he's in my mind.[/size][/b][/color]
[/center]

I sighed and climbed into my own bed, flicking off the light. I didn't bother saying goodnight, I knew it was akward enough. So I just pulled the blankets over my head and tried to get to sleep, and after an hour or so just laying there I finally drifted off. But I knew the dreams, or rather nightmares, would follow this, and prepared my mind for whatever horrors I was to re-experience tonight. The dreams were usually of my step-father doing something to me, and they caused me to have a very small amount of sleep every night. And I was sure with Damen in the room, they were going to be worse. How fucking lovely. And then it began. I was in my room, working on homework when Trevor barged in, drunk and high. He began to beat me and then threw me on the bed, stripping me of my clothing as I cried, and then....

I woke up with a jolt, sitting up in the bed. I must've been tossing and turning because the comforter was a mess. I felt tears running down my cheeks and took a deep breath, sitting there and remembering it was just a dream before getting up. I walked over silently to turn on the fireplace, then took my comforter and a pillow for my back against the bed and sat on the floor, pulling the blanket over my legs as I reached for my photo album. This is what I did, when I had a nightmare. It brought back happy memories. Like when my dad and I went to the town fair, and got stuck on the ferris wheel for an hour. Or times we went to the hunting camp, birthdays, holidays, just anything. I flipped through the pages extremely slow, still crying silently. I really hoped I didn't wake Damen, that was the last thing I needed. So I stayed as quiet as possible, staring at old memories that were all I had left of a happy life. After this time, life went to hell.

But for some reason, I wanted him beside me. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and tell me that everything was okay, that he was there and that he would protect me. But then again, maybe I was confusing Damen with my dad. No one could replace my dad, but I was really falling for Damen. I had just proved that to myself earlier. But I didn't want to let him in, it was impossible for me. I may have been falling for him but I didn't trust him. I couldn't trust him, it would end up getting me hurt in the long run, anyway. So I'd just keep closed off to him, and pretend I wasn't interested in him. Though that would be the exact opposite in my mind, considering I was falling hopelessly for him more and more every time I thought of him.